Sexbruise? (2021 On-the-Rise Runner-Up)

Sexbruise? Is a cutting-edge snack-delivery system and problematic adult-contemporary band formed in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina by four adult children and a shark. They are one of the most obscure world-famous bands on tour today, making them ok for hipsters to enjoy.

Combining elements of funk, soul, rock, funk-rock, soul-funk and rock, Sexbruise? Is redefining the “funk-rock” genre with funky melodies and soulful melodies.

Despite their extreme wealth and lavish lifestyle, Sexbruise? Grew up on a dirt road right down the street from Pappy’s Hardware Shop, and is subsequently very in tune with the struggles and plight of middle America.

Sexbruise? is the target of numerous ongoing lawsuits from The Department of Health, The Church of Scientology, Outback Steakhouse, Stoke’s Honda of Goose Creek and many others.

According to an article shared on Facebook.com, the original members of Sexbruise? All died in a tragic hang gliding accident in 2017 and were replaced by body doubles all of whom are physically attractive.

Also, Stratton lost his keys at Rooster Walk so if anyone has seen them please text him at 843-251-4813 or Venmo us at us @sexbruise

This bio is brought to you by Skrewball Peanut Butter Whiskey.